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ToadWorks Death Rattle Pedal III Pedal
TunnelVision Music.com Authorized
Dealer
Our Price $270.00 |
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During the
first part of the Old Kingdom of ancient Egypt, the Paraohs
ruled the earth. In 2686 B.C., King Menes united Upper and Lower
Egypt, establishing the most powerful monarchy the earth had
ever seen. The new capitol of Egypt became Memphis, so the
Pharoah decreed.
But the Pharaohs had rulers too. Three years after the
unification of Egypt, the earth was visited by a race of super
intelligent space monkeys. The space monkeys came in peace, but
were horrified at the enslavement of apes by humans. The space
monkey ship rained fire down upon the people of Memphis, pausing
only to steal the firstborn male of every family to work in
their intergalactic monkey mines.
When finally the people of Memphis released the apes from their
wire cages, the space monkeys suspended their attack on the
condition that all slavery be ended forever, for all species.
The people agreed, and as a sign of good faith the space monkeys
bestowed glorious technology on the primitive Egyptian society.
Soon the monkeys left earth, leaving one of their kind behind to
watch over the humans. But when the monkey rulers had left, King
Menes seized the monkey overseer and subjected him to
unspeakable torture. The people, fearful that his actions would
bring death by space monkeys, begged him to stop, but the evil
king would not heed.
Still exploring the technology left behind by the space monkeys,
his priests monitored and recorded the bodily reaction of the
tortured space monkey. The priests watched dispationately as the
brave space monkey was tickled with feathers and forced to watch
a cow being born. The torture of the space monkey lasted two
years, during which his every heartbeat, brainwave, and eye
movement was recorded digitally, up until the final moment of
his life. At the very moment he died, his lips curled in a
defiant sneer; he screamed "Monkey Man", and his body shuddered,
overloading the circuit on the recorder, rendering it
inoperable. Since his priests did not possess the knowledge to
repair it, the King ordered the space monkey's body, along with
all the recordings locked in an enourmous stone vault at the
base of the Great Pyramid, and the space monkey technology was
lost to the world.
In 1928, during an archealogical expedition outside Cairo, a
team led by British born historian Baxter Buster discovered the
hidden chamber containing the ancient recordings. Swearing his
team to secrecy, Professor Buster smuggled the artifacts out of
Egypt. After his return to England, Professor Buster became
wierd and paranoid, fearing betrayal by his companions on the
expedition. A month later he invited the entire team to his
cottage in the Cotswold, and in a fit of insanity he poisoned
them all with rotten tea, killing the lot. Baxter Buster died
three days later in a shootout with police.
After the death of Professor Buster, his estate became the
property of his only living relative, Bartholomew "Batt" Buster.
Batt Buster had emmigrated to America in 1912 with his ailing
mother and father. When his parents both died tragically in a
spaghetti accident, young Batt survived alone on the streets
living on cockles and muscles. Educating himself by night, Batt
soon found work as an engineer at Thomas Edison's laboratory in
New Jersey. Eventually, Batt married an amputee named Big Nose
Lucy who begat him his only son Matt .
Years later, upon his father's death, Matt discovered a simian
skeleton and futuristic looking devices in the attic of the
Buster family home. After deciphering the accompanying manual,
Matt was able to repair the recording devices left by the space
monkeys. What Matt found shocked him, but he was also intrigued.
Matt longed to share his discovery with the world, but was
unsure how to proceed. That night as he slept, and idea began to
form in Matt's mind - to somehow transfer the digital recording
of the space monkey's last moments to a guitar effect pedal. The
next day Matt approached ToadWorks with the concept, and like
morons we agreed.
ToadWorks Death Rattle is something dark and twisted. It is not
what you expect. It is pure evil. Keep your children away. If
they play with it they will develop a skin condition. If you buy
it your dog will hate you. Your parents will disown you. No one
will like you. If your boss finds out you will get fired.
Pride
Death Rattle knows you need it. It thinks it's better than you.
It knows the desire in your heart, and the subject of your
affection. You want it. You love it. You have to have it.
Resistance is futile.
Avarice
Death Rattle wants more love. It wants more respect. It wants
more of everything. It hungers for every second of your time and
it will step on anyone or anything that gets in its way. Death
Rattle is a time burglar, stealing precious moments from your
now shortened life.
Envy
Death Rattle hates your other pedals. It wants to degrade them,
humiliate them, drive them from your pedalboard. It knows it
can, and it won't hesitate for a second. Your other pedals are
doomed because Death Rattle wants what they have, and it won't
let anything stand in it's way.
Wrath
Death Rattle won't take no for an answer. If you say no it will
become enraged, smiting it enemies with great vengance and
furious anger. When all are smote, it shall smite thee again,
until you beg for mercy, but Death Rattle will have none of it.
You'd better be on your best behaviour.
Lust
Death Rattle is insatiable. It needs to feel that 1/4" of cold
steel, penetrating, again and again. "Never mind the other
pedals" it says. "Put your love into me." Death Rattle loves the
power surging through it. Death Rattle is a very naughty pedal.
Gluttony
Death Rattle consumes you. It devours your virgin soul like a
warm cherry pie. You may struggle, but you are doomed. As you
sneer in grim defiance and say "Eat me", Death Rattle says
"Okay."
Sloth
Death Rattle just sits there, like a stagnant pool of nearly
liquid mass of loathsome - of detestable putridity. It will not
heed your pleas. It will not move. It does not care about you.
It will not help you in times of need. It torments you with it's
insolence. It makes you ashamed. |
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We only
accept payments in US Dollars. All payments are due within 5
days of auction close. UT residents must pay an additional 7.85%
sales tax. We accept payment via Visa, MasterCard, DiscoverCard,
AMEX or Paypal.
To make payment via Paypal please go to the auction page and
follow the Paypal payment instructions
Our Paypal e-mail is
ebay@tunnelvisionmusic.com
To make payment via your Visa, MasterCard, DiscoverCard or AMEX
we will email you the link to our secure payment area on our
website or you may call us at our toll free number.
If you have just won or used the buy now button lets go thru
checkout:
- You can
now click the checkout button or you can wait for our
automated email
- then you
will need to fill in your details (name, shipping)
- then you
will have the option to add more items to your order and
received a discounted shipping rate on your order.
- then you
choose your method of payment.
- enter
your payment and then submit details.
- you will
then receive a confirmation email from us.
- then you
can expect a notice that your item is being packed.
- the next
message will be to tell you that your item has been shipped.
SELLER WILL
Ship order within 2 business days of a cleared payment if
product is received and does not work the seller will replace
that product once the defective piece is returned.
When a bidder wins and does not pay everyone looses.
TunnelVision Music.com takes a firm stance on Non Paying Bidders
& our process detailed below is automated. So only bid if you
intend to pay. If you bid incorrectly then please use 'Bid
retraction' which can be found in 'My eBay'.
Non-Paying Bidders:
Order of Events
1. Day 3 we send you a reminder to complete checkout
2. Day 5 we send you a second reminder email
3. Day 7 you're reported as a non-paying bidder to eBay
4. Day 10 final reminder sent
5. Day 14 a non-paying buyer strike will be left to your ebay
account.
TunnelVision Music.com is an
Authorized Dealer for all of the lines of Pro Guitar Gear we
carry!
All new items come with at least a 1 year manufacturer warranty,
check items listing for details.
All items purchased from us at TunnelVision Music.com come with
a 30 day, no questions returns policy. If you are not satisfied
with the item simply contact
rma@tunnelvisionmusic.com within 30 days for receiving your
package and we will issue you an RMA Number to return the
package.
***Please note***
All items purchased from us
at TunnelVision Music.com come with a 30 day, no questions
returns policy.
All items must be received within 7 days of issuing a RMA
number. Any item not received within that time with be refused
and no refund will be issued. All items must be returned freight
pre-paid. No COD's will be accepted. All items must be in "new"
condition, in original packaging and include a copy of your
invoice, original box, warranty card, manual, etc.. Any
discrepancies could result in a delay or a partial credit being
issued.
All returns are credited back the purchase amount less actual
shipping cost to you.
Defective items may be returned for a "same item"
replacement/exchange only.
The RA number must be written on the outside of the box. All
items must be sent via UPS, FedEx, U.S. Mail, or other delivery
service that offers package tracking.
All returns are processed in the order they are received. Please
allow us up to 72 hours to process your return.
US SHIPPING
All guitar and bass effects pedals ship via USPS Priority
Mail unless otherwise noted. All amps ship via UPS Ground
Service.
***PLEASE NOTE:***
USPS Priority Mail Service is NOT a guaranteed service and can
take up to 10 working days to arrive though their typical
delivery time is 3 to 4 working days.
INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING
All International Orders ship via USPS International
Express or International Priority Mail. All International
purchases may be charged vat, duty, or customs fees by your
country. We have no way of calculating these fees, they are
completely your responsibility.
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