FRANKLIN MINT PASTEL UNICORN 90 Points

In the event that you receive merchandise from us that is not what you expected or intended to purchase, by all means, please contact us immediately. We are flexible within reason, and would like for you to feel that you have received a quality product at a fair price, that you have been treated courteously and with respect, and that your experience with us reflects our regard of your patronage as an earned privilege.

Several hundred years ago, my UCSB Intensive Mandarin Professor voiced his belief that the sole purpose of doing business was to generate profit. In respectful disagreement I replied, (para.) “I believe that the purpose of operating a business is to offer a product or service of high quality at a price that benefits the community which it serves, and of which it is a beneficent member”. I still believe this, and I insist that this philosophy be carried in the presentation and conduct of our business. We feel that we are deserving of your patronage only to the degree that we extend this level of service to you. For these reasons, we regard a complaint as a considerate gesture that represents an opportunity to enhance our merchant-customer relationships through the improvement of our conduct.

To be eligible for participation in our SUPER-COOL, KING, BAD, and GROOVY MONTHLY PRIZE GIVEAWAY, please leave FEEDBACK, and add us to your FAVORITE SELLERS LIST. Doing so is the only way that The Super-Secret Super-Duper Prize codes will be revealed to you , and without them, you will be unable to expunge the karma accumulated through the gluttonous consumption of THE HIP GEAR and THE FINE STUFF. Doomed to exist unstylishly in the CYCLE of birth, old age, death, and re-birth for as many eons as The Sands of Pamela Anderson's Panties, you will suffer the embarrassing inconvenience and hardship of growing out of your clothes throughout all of Eternity. Subscribe, and you may experience the momentary bliss of THE DIVINE FREEBIE, which is the gateway experience to enlightenment, as well as something that you can sell if you want to. (Void where prohibited by law). FREEBIES are non-refundable.

So sayeth DAVID, THE TEDIOUSLY VERBOSE.

(The Theatre respondeth): SO SAYETH WE!, HUZZAH!!, FORSOOTH!!!, and CARPE CEREVISI!!!!!